Well it's the dawn of a new year, and time to make resolutions. Maybe this year I'll even keep a few of them. I like making resolutions because they're a great way for me to feel like I'm becoming a better person, without having to do anything to actually be a better person. So, in no particular order, here they are:
* When calling the White House comment line at 202-456-1111, I resolve to make my comments more constructive; as I know that our preznit listens to and values my opinion. That time I called claiming that I was changing my name from George Bush to something less offensive like Jeffrey Dahmer, because he'd killed fewer people? That was just mean.
* When calling Norm Coleman's office at 202-224-5641, I resolve to stop calling him a Big Republican Rubber Stamp. The proper term is The Honorable Big Republican Rubber Stamp.
* If I really must call the Republican National Committee at 202.863.8500, I resolve to stop asking whether GOP stands for Get Out of Power or Go Off to Prison.
* When calling John Kline's campaign office at 952-890-9430 and asking for literature, I resolve to actually use my real name, rather than Arnold Ziffel, the pig from Green Acres, like I did last year.
* If I ever call Mark Kennedy's campaign office at 651.644.2506, I resolve not to ask if he's a robot low on batteries or a deer trapped in the headlights. That could be The Honorable Big Republican Rubber Stamp II we're talking about, and it's important to make a good first impression. It's also impolite to ask why even people who have never held political office are beating him in the polls.
Well that's it. If you have any New Years Resolutions you'd like to share, please feel free to add them below.